OK so wildlife might be stretching it, but I am sure some of the animals discussed in this post might think that they are pretty wild. Wild, and possibly crazy. It’s hard to tell though as my cattish dialect is very Islington-ish and as yet I have not picked up the required Pitshanger-ish twang to let me quite understand what is going on amongst the local Brentham Garden Estate feline population. Rest assured though that the population is probably the dominant species in the area. Humans? Unlikely! The only reason we exist is to feed them and act as traffic police when the cats decide to have a mothers club meeting in the middle of the road! Not that this always ends in a successful outcome as described in further detail below.
What does this have to do with gardening and mobile technology? Well I was considering making an Islington – Pitshanger cattish translation application to ease communication between the massives but there might be stronger needs for mobile development to solve real problems ;-). However most of the Pitshanger feline population in the immediate area do seem to enjoy spending time in my garden. One in particular has been through so often in the past 18 years that they have left a dented path through my front yard due to using the same route over and over. Seriously I kid you not.
I would like to think they are fond of my garden because it’s a cool place to hang out. I do fear though that their visits might be more due to personal relief rather than personal relaxation. I am wondering if being a local cat public toilet is actually a health and safety issue? Guess if they are not eating radio-active cat crunchies then we should be OK.
So the main protagonist is Stumpy Cat. So called as it is tail-less due to an unfortunate traffic incident caused by a dozing traffic monitor. Poor form on behalf of the human but hey, when you put a species as simple as a human in charge of something as complex as traffic monitoring, what do you expect? Poor management decision on behalf of the executive of that cat mothers club meeting I say. Anyway that human traffic monitor has been relieved of all further traffic monitoring duties as the un-injured cats promptly clawed the hands off said dozy human. Have you ever tried to hold a traffic lollipop without hands? No? Well trust me it’s pretty difficult, so said human is now limited to office bound duties. Even there they are not too crash hot. Typing with furious feline induced stumps aint that easy either. The mothers club meetings minutes are usually typed up by someone else. Anyway I think I may have digested again, back to Stumpy Cat.
Stumpy is 18 years old and, as mentioned, unfortunately tail-less. Over the past 18 years she has frequented the same path across my garden that she has left a channel for a path across the front lawn. Quite surreal. Kind of fun though as I have now installed an obstacle course across the path in order to provide a new challenge within her regular routine. This of course she should have no problem with as she is quite adept at using the trellis in the back yard as a ladder in order to get over the fence after her visit. She is not the most friendly of cats, but do you blame her? After all it was a sleeping human that resulted in the loss of her tail. Oh and I am not exaggerating on the whole human traffic monitoring of cat mothers club meetings! I have actually seen this occur twice on my road. Humans rushing out to slow cars down as collections of cats chat in the middle of the road. Weird, but at least I can see we serve a purpose on this earth.
What Stumpy Cat lacks in fondness towards humanity, Overly Friendly Cat, or OFC, more than makes up for. This cat is so bizarrely affectionate that when you roll up in the car he bounds across the road howling for affection. It is hard to get the gate open before he has jumped up onto it just so you don’t have to bend down to show affection. Hey you have to love it when the cat goes out of its way to help you. That being said of course you cannot get through the gate once the cat is on it, so I guess in true cat style it is selfishness and not helpfulness that is the actual motive for its energetic feat. However a quick chat and scratch is never enough so once you are through the gate the cat transfers itself onto the top of the hedge in order to gain more attention. The hedge doesn’t seem to suffer but the cat does have a unique ability to use it as a mattress. OFC will simply not let you out of its site, although it does baulk at coming into the house which is probably a good thing. The owners of OFC are actually moving to Australia for two years! Fools! Why would you want to go to that prison? ;-). We thought we might be onto a good thing and be able to offer our services as official OFC minders for 2 years. Disappointingly OFC also has a ticket booked to Australia. I wonder if I should alert the owners to the rabid population of Australian Cat Eating Drop Bears? Alas one of the owners is Australian and he might not believe me!
Next on the list of frequent visitors to the toilet, err sorry garden, is Wavy Tail Cat, or Dave. I am not sure why he calls himself Dave? Perhaps it’s the Pitshanger cattish dialect that I am not getting. Maybe that should be Wave? Not sure. Lets go for Dave for now. Another overtly friendly cat, Dave must have been brought up with a family of dogs. Every time you give him a scratch his tail starts a waggin’ like a rather excitable small dog. It’s odd, but kind of endearing. Usually when you see a cat waving their tail you are about to get your hands scratched off! Just ask the afore mentioned handless traffic monitor! In Dave’s case though I am yet to suffer de-handing and the tail wagging seems to be due to happiness rather than cat venomous fury. That being said he has been pretty darned annoyed on the couple of times I have had to get him down out of the vines over the garage. Not sure if he is chasing birds or not, or just enjoying a nice view while on the toilet, after all humans enjoy a good view, just have a look here. Still the fury at being interrupted and hoisted out of the branches mid stream doesn’t seem to have resulted in any lasting anger towards us. I can still type.
Although not frequent visitors, possibly due to age and the distance they would need to cover; they live about 200 metres away, there are three further felines that possibly deserve a mention. Chatty Cat, Fighty Cat and Orange Cat. Chatty cat seriously never shuts up! Wander past and if you get past without being deafened by the roar, well loud and consistent meow, you are lucky! She looks ancient and my guess is deaf as a post, hence she cannot hear how loud her caterwauling is! Fighty Cat is similarly old and looks as if he has been through the wars a couple of times. I certainly hope this is the case and it is simply not old age! Still, always up for a chat and I feel the fighting days are long gone. Orange Cat seems to have taken up the fighting mantle though. Always good for a fight, with the old bunny hopping back legs ripping the veins our of your arms as he grips onto you hand firmly with his front paws. It’s only a game mind you as when you escape the death grip he simply follows you down the road in a casual manner as if asking for another game! ‘Unlikely Orange-utang! Un-flippin’ likely!’. If they ever need to convict a cat for the de-handing of afore mentioned traffic monitor then I suggest that start looking in Orange Cats direction. Not that I am pointing a finger of blame of nuffin’ like that ;-)
These are only the cats that we regularly chat with as well. There seem to be an endless supply of them in the area. I am sure we will add to the population at some stage, but it would have been nice to have Overly Friendly Cat as a lodger for a couple of years. Ho hum not to worry.
Have fun
Cheers
m
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