Welcome the all new and all improved "Enviro 3000". This is not the bin for this generation but the bin for generations to come! Just listen to the features we have packed into this Enviro model:
- Conveniently placed push button's to allow you to automatically open and then close the bin. One button for each action! These are situated right at the rim of the bin to ensure if there is any nasty bacteria lurking there you are 100% guaranteed to get it all over your hands! This feature is specifically designed to improve your immune system. Once it has made you ill you will never be ill again!
- It has an on/off switch on the back of the bin, again conveniently located so if the bin is up against a wall you have no access to it what so ever! Yes folks you need electricity to make this bin work!
- There is a charging outlet so you can recharge your bin. That's right this bin is also battery powered folks! Sure you can use it without power, but it's seal tight lid has been conveniently designed to make usage without power really quite difficult. Don't worry though see the accessories described in further detail below.
- It will work for possibly 12 hours on a single charge! If that's not convenient then you can leave it plugged into the wall! That's right why not consume electricity and make more carbon dioxide while disposing of your waste! Why does it only possibly work for 12 hours on a single charge? Well we are not sure how long a single charge really works as the bin is always broken within the first hour. It works really well on a single charge for that hour though.
- Open's automatically if you wave your hand over the lid! Yay! This feature is sensitive enough to work after about the 5th wave over the lid, by which time it would have been more efficient manually clawing your way into the lid with a screwdriver. The screwdriver is possibly the easiest way into the bin if there is no power as you can prise the lid open easily with this. This then leads onto Enviro 3000 accessories!
- Yes folks when you buy the Enviro 3000 all good stockists will also be willing to sell you screwdrivers so you can still conveniently dispose of rubbish if the Enviro 3000 loses its charge or indeed there is a blackout. Never be left with the worry that you won't be able to use your bin again. there is also an additional paid for attachment that will allow you to strap your screw driver to the bins side, just so you never misplace your screwdriver again!
But Wait you still want more? Wow this is a seriously hard sell! You guys really are top Consumers! Well if it's more you want then it's more you will get! As the picture below shows, the Enviro 3000 is guaranteed to break within the first hour or so of usage! It's lid will be permanently stuck in the open position thus rendering it quite useless! But don't let that worry you as we have the perfect solution! For another slightly larger price than you piad for the Enviro 3000, you can buy the Enviro 4000!!!! The 4000 offers the same brilliant features as the 3000 but it's just slightly bigger than the 3000, hence making it the perfect rubbish disposal device to dispose of your broken Enviro 3000's! Yay for forward thinking!
Never let it be said that the Enviro brand isn't all about the Customer and serving your needs best. Our motto is: 'If it's not rubbish then it's not worth selling! Shabba!'
For more information on the Enviro brand and range of products please get in touch! Also please stay tuned for impending announcements about the even larger, and therefore more power hungry, Enviro 5000! It'll be perfect for getting rid of your broken 4000's!
Remember if you are not consuming your are a Communist!! Make rubbish and buy bins folks.
Peace, Out
The Enviro Product team wishes you a Happy and waste filled Christmas!!
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